Jan 19, 1962 - Jim (Forest) Matheson

Postmark: Jan 19, 1962

19191 Dagmar Dr

Saratoga Calif

Dear Mable & Archie,

Now don’t faint but at long last I will answer your letter. I don’t know how long it has been since I have written you, but it really doesn’t matter I guess. I have been so upset and everything for so long It seems almost like a nightmare.

The worst of it is, I am still in the middle of it. I was laid off on Dec 18 and put on disability because I seemingly can’t work with any metals and oils. At least that is what the allergy tests show so far. I have had Dermatitas for over a year now and it seems t get no better. I have been off work for a month now and am still broken out and still itch from it. It takes about 3 mo to get over it after I really break out with it.

My Dr. doesn’t want me to work with metals and or oil, or a combination of metals & oils, also no paints, solvents, and related materials.

I appealed to the Stat for help in trying to locate some kind of work. They are investigating the feasibility of rehabilitating me in another field. What it will be yet I don’t know. I have another appointment with them Friday (To-morrow). Perhaps I will know more about it by then.

I am supposed t draw $65.00 a week disability starting 26 of Dec but so far I have received nothing at all, and cant seem to find out what is holding it up.

Dallas & Don are keeping us in grocieries, etc. Don is working after school. D is still working at varian. He still isn’t making much, but is learning the trade slow but surely. He has to go for his army physical. The 26 of this mo. So don’t know how long he will be with us. Hard to tell yet.

Archie, how I your good health by now? You know that I miss your annual letter. I haven’t had one for some time (3 years, I believe). I hope you ae not too busy but what you might drop me a line. I would certainly appreciate it. I get pretty lonesome, and kinda hellish down inside. You know that for years – I lived where I could go & come as I please when it came to visiting friends & relatives.  But it is quite a little different down here. There are lots of people here in this area, but when you have to sit home week in & week out it gets pretty monotonous.

My back nerves are bothering me real bad again, down in the smallof my back. It is getting so I cant sleep or do much of anything. I simply must come up with an answer of some kind. I just am not cut out to lay around the house.

If it will warm up a little I can work in the yard. But the last few day has been pretty cold, so haven’t done much but lay around.

I sure was sorry to hear about Uncle Jim. I so wanted to go back and see him and the rest of the people but seems like I just couldn’t make it in time. I will always think of the many days you & I & Uncle Jim spent hunting to-gether.

You know Archie, we are not as young as we used to be anymore. Just stop and think of the ones that have gone on already. Who knows how long it will be before our time will come. I catch myself wandering what my answer will be when I have to stand before the Great white thrown and give accounts of my deeds. I could have done so much more with my life if I had really tried.

I see so many, many, people here that come and ask about what I believe and ask for help that it touches me very deeply to think I wasted so many years. Of my life when perhaps I could have been a minister or Evangelist and helped thoe that really wanted help.

I have talked with big he men at work that would came to me and talk with tears streaming down their checks, wanting help. I have had opportunity to talk to many men & women at work that really wanted to live a good Christian life and wanted help & advice. It touches my heat to see grown men & women cry when I talk with them, to have them tell me that once they had the peace & Joy & God in their hearts but it has slepped away from them. I tell them never to be ashamed of a tear or a smile.

I had one of the ladies in the insurance office weep & talk for 25 minutes one day. I told her I had learned not to question the way God worked in my life, nor what before me. It was my duty to try and see if I could learn a lesson from my troubles so that I in turn might help others. She cried and said she once had the Peace & God in her heart but had lost it somewhere along the way.

I shall never forget the day I knelt before God and tol him to take my heart, my life, my family, my finances, all that I had and use it as he saw fit. All I asked in return was that He go with me & keep me saved and filled with His Joy & Peace.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, bt this much I do know. I have committed my way unto God and will endeavor to walk in His way. I know that this is the only way I can be sure about tomorrow

I try to look around me when I would be discouraged & blue, and I can always see some one that is worse off then I am. I find that in helping others I can forget my own troubles and at the same time spread a little happeness & cheer among others.

Now this is not a sermon to you. I am merely trying to write what I feel down in my heart.

The past must remain a closed book If I am to succeed. I want you both to know that I love you very much, and that I know that you have done much for me. Please forgive me for past mistakes, and do write.

Love, Jim & family

NOTE: I have had a hard time reading these letters from Forest. He borrowed money from Archie and Mable that was listed in the BANKRUPTCY they filed in 1960's. It was money my grandparents couldn't afford to give away. Over the years, my grandmother gave him money - when she herself couldn't afford to give him money. I have found several thousands of dollars went to Forest that was NEVER paid back. I remember a day when grandmother had $50 left in her checkbook to last for the month, and she wrote a $25 check to Forest, and another $10 to her mother. She loved her brother. Then one day after her mother's funeral, she had a fight with Forest and he left with a lot of gr-grandmothers stuff. Mable came over and said, "Forest is not welcome here, and will never return." That actually became true. He didn't even show up for her funeral.